This is the good part...
Like really good. The kind of good that when you read the whole story, you might say to yourself, "nah, can't be."
Oh yes. It can be.
You see I was a hot mess of fear and worry and guilt and shame. And I knew Jesus. According to the scriptures, people of God are not marked and known by fear, worry, guilt and shame.
Quite the opposite.
We are marked by love, and peace and joy and patience.
This was not my story. Add a having a stillborn child, a child that had been diagnosed with a rare cancer, then a baby born with a severe birth defect, you get a little more opposite of joy, love, peace and patience.
In my case, I had an extra measure of freak outs. Everything made me afraid. I'm not joking when I tell you, there was a period in time that I had to remove the Google app off my phone because I was OBSESSED with googling symptoms I or the children had. Any lump, bump, weird anomaly was a reason for me to panic and google every aspect of the issue, only to be sure I was not certainly dying an untimely death.
It seemed that women in my neighborhood were dropping like flies. I mean no disrespect nor do I mean to make light of such tragic circumstances but several women in my community passed away of super crazy weird cancers and tumors. It started to feel like I shouldn't drink the water.
I was focusing on imaginary things, like a complete lunatic.
But only on the inside.
No one knew my secret shame of the googling. Only my husband. Until one night I was bawling because I knew I was making myself crazier each time I would looked.
I never looked to the One who knew my body and soul better than anyone. God knows the number of hairs on my head and yet I looked to the village elder (Google) for an accurate diagnosis.
Why not go to the doctor, you ask?
Number 1~ they had long since lost my respect and trust after the fruits and veggies comments. They were dead to me.
Number 2~Because worse than living in my own head, going to a dr and telling them issues and having them pat me on the head and tell me "it's all in your head." This happened one night when I drove myself to the ER because I was having chest pains. Stress is a real bitch, let me tell you. It can cause physical feelings.
I make a little light of this situation to show truly what a mind mess I was.
When you have an oncologist for your child, then you have a team of medical specialists for another child, you are now thrust into the "anything can happen to that family" camp.
In 2015 I was blessed to go to one of the many farms Young Living owns and operates, in Utah.
What a gift.
Before this time I had shared oils with people, had a little business going, in spite of my weird efforts. I had told my friends they could buy from anyone, me, Whole Foods, another essential oil company, I just wanted them using oils. I wasn't trying to get them to sign up with me per sa, they just knew our story with Zion and wanted oils like we had. I was giving them options, like any normal poverty mentality person would, right? After all, it would be unthinkable to ask them to buy from me. They would think I was trying to make money off them.
See? I told you I was a mess.
Please note~ once I saw the farms and understood, THIS is what makes Young Living heads and shoulders above the rest, oh it was a game changer. I had to call people and apologize for my ignorance.
While there, my friends purchased an oil called Trauma Life.
It was like heaven, peace, joy and beauty in one little bottle. I needed this oil. At this point I was in love with oils like Peace and Calming and Valor. Those were nice and did some good in my soul, but this- it was everything God says He is, manifested in an oil, if that makes sense. It was so soothing to my mind and soul, I literally didn't want it to run out.
My crunchy friends strongly suggested I buy this oil because they were kind and could smell the crazy I'm sure.
They also said I should rub a drop or two over my liver, because get this, anger and hate are stored in the liver....
Wait, come again?
I thought, if you girls want me to believe you, you're going to need to stop saying crazy shit like, "anger and hate are stored in the liver".
What can I say? I was new.
Not wanting to appear ignorant I gave my best, "oh yes! That makes complete sense!" face and went back to Texas, dutifully doing what they suggested.
Thirty days later I felt...better.
I stopped freaking out over shoes being left around.
I found myself able to look up scripture that spoke to casting all my cares upon the Lord, because He cares for me, and they made sense. I could pray these and receive some peace and healing.
It was the oil.
That was the only difference in my life.
My husband was still an emotional disaster so it wasn't him.
I still had five children, eleven and under and still home schooling those people.
The aches and pains were still present in my body, but somehow it didn't feel as scary.
Now I was able to pause, if only for a moment, and pray through the scary thoughts.
I ran out of oil, then panic settled back in. I didn't know what other essential oil would have the same effect.
This is the moment in time God used my lust for research to alter the course of our lives and change the business I was in.
That story will be told another day, but for now I will leave you with the ingredients of my beloved Trauma Life.
You see, what I realized is I while I may not have the favorite essential oil blends at my fingertips, I knew the singles in it and I could choose one or four of those to pair, depending on the condition you are addressing.
In my case, Sandalwood and Frankincense became great staples.
Enjoy the list of Trauma Life ingredients and see for yourself if these do not resonate with your emotional needs.
Until I write again~
Frankincense~ high in sesquiterpenes and naturally occurring constituent boswellic acid. It helps to uplift mood and brings feelings of relaxation. It may help smooth the appearance of healthy-looking skin, and is useful in combination with massage after exercise. Sandalwood is calming and emotionally balancing and is used for stress and unwinding. When reading scripture it is known as Aloes. Valerian from the root has been used for centuries. During the last three decades, it has been clinically investigated for its relaxing properties. Researchers have pinpointed the sesquiterpenes, valerenic acid, and valerone as the active constituents that exert a calming and restorative effect on the central nervous system. Lavender can help you relax, wind down before bed and even ease stress. Its balancing properties are very comforting especially when diffused. Spruce is grounding and releasing.
Geranium helps you relax and supportive to healthy skin! Very soft and supportive, this oil brings balance to your female, creative, emotional side vs the masculine action side.
Helichrysum known for its restorative properties and provides excellent support to the skin and nervous system. Rose has an intoxicating aroma that opens the spiritual heart. Used for skin care for thousands of years, it is perfect for dry or aging skin. It helps bring balance and harmony with uplifting properties that create a sense of well-being. Davana it helps ease stressful feelings and nervousness. This one I HIGHLY recommend as a single oil! Kaffir Lime contains aldehydes and esters that have calming properties.