When I held my baby girls, never did I once think or utter the thoughts-
"gee, I hope they have big boobs"
"I hope their eyelashes are extra long
"I sure hope they don't look stupid in front of an audience,"
"I hope they're crazy successful in their work,"
"I hope they are always dressed perfectly"
"I hope they are the perfect weight"....
I would be a complete monster of a mom if I ever thought those things about my girls right?
So why would I think those things about myself and more? Why do you? What's this arbitrary standard we are all trying so hard to live up to and for the love, who set that standard?
Memes and quotes abound on social media about just being yourself and not worrying about what other people think. I join right along with those people, saying "yes! Screw the mass culture mindset! I'm going to just be me!"
Until ... I have to do a video... get up on stage... or promote my book...
Then, every single flaw suddenly leaps to mind and frozen in terror, I run to the bathroom to add more lipstick. (Apparently according to every fashion guru, lipstick is the duct tape of beauty)
Whatever about my own issues, I am 46 years old and have my own mind junk to work through, of which I am doing just that.
However, there's the matter of my girls...
We leave an inheritance for our children, did you know that? We pass down to them everything we have, good or bad. They get our DNA when they are created and in addition, they get our insecurities and strengths as well. Things such as alcoholism is inherited, right? It's a struggle that is passed down.
We must break the cycle of any unsavory mindset or behavior in order to not pass it down to our children.
In my case, the cycle of insecurity must be done away with, otherwise my children, particularly my girls, will be paralyzed with the same terror I have been plagued with my whole adult life.
Working in the beauty industry did nothing to help me have a healthy view of beauty either. Being at a salon where they scrutinized your outfits, makeup and hair can leave a mark on you to be sure. My favorite was showing up to work, have the snooty men look me over and point to the clothing store across the street as if to say, "you might consider something better from over there..."
Come to think of it, I should probably do some trauma releasing over that situation.
This mindset has spilled over into what I tell my girls are important. I mean, when you think of it, most people look at the outward appearance first to judge whether or not someone is worthy of listening to, right? If you just scoffed at what I said, you are totally lying. I studied human behavior for 25 years as a hairdresser and I watched this happen with my own eyes. People will listen to people who they think look pretty, have it all together, or sound intelligent. Which is totally messed up, but accurate.
I want so much for my girls to be valued, that I forget, they already are. By me. By their Jesus. The only people that should matter, ever.
So here I am, with a sixteen year old and a seven year old, and I watch them try to be "pretty". Applying their Savvy makeup, wearing the bracelets and cute shoes.
I love the idea of dressing up and looking gorgeous, feeling beautiful and glamorous, but when it's done with a mindset behind it of doing for those you might see, or who might see you, then it becomes an insidious motive. Dressing up for themselves, because they already like what they and want to accessorize is one thing. Covering up flaws in hopes the masses will accept them is a whole other ball game. One I frankly would love my children to avoid like the plague.
As I strive to prepare my children for the world that awaits them, yes we continue to teach a non toxic lifestyle, essential oil usage, clean eating and emotional health. But I am shifting gears a bit. I long to have my babies feeling extremely confident and beautiful, strong in the Lord and in the power of His might. To look in the mirror each day, and like King David, say with great gusto- “I AM fearfully and wonderfully made, how WONDERFUL are Your works, oh God!”
In 2020 speak, they will look at themselves and say, “oh sweet Lord, look at this fine piece of work you created. Well done, Lord. Well done.”
For those of you with daughters, I pray you join me in creating a movement of girls who love who God made them to be- to walk in their gifts and purposes. To decorate their already gorgeous selves in a manner they feel good about. Girls who grow to be women that no longer pay attention to the standard, but create their own standard of beauty.